faithfully yours .

2007-09-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

you know someday you just want to look good for your Girlfriend ,
but somehow you look like a whore ? yeah that's what i'm talking about .

early in the morning , i woke up to follow granny to market before heading home.
Bath-ed and got breakfast ready . And i changed ( blablabla)
i wore a dress two inch below my butt and a bikini inside ,
the dress was falling off my shoulders and the bottom keeps flipping up :(
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh , met girlfriend .
waited for hannah , met gamar , waited for syamirah .
and ( my psp fell off girlfriend's back ) met syamirah .
and Girlfriend headed off to meet ahmad , while we went off to wild wild wet.
hah , they're so cute i swear . cause they've never been there.
so we changed and got innn . nothing great about WWW , seriously.
just go with the right people and then you have fun .
i shalln't get into details.
cause you'll know the nippies were shown and ass were stripped .
BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO LOSE THE FATS :(

met Girlfriend and ahmad , headed home .
ahmaaaaddd gayboy ahhhhhhhhhhh :D
and , i couldn't find a girlfriend any better .

2007-09-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

i love her more than anything in this world .
but sometime , i am just selfish .
I Love You Ok :D

2007-08-20T04:11:00.001-07:00

http://adel-petpotpetpot-corner.blogspot.com/

GO GO . this made my day .

2007-08-18T02:55:00.000-07:00

HOW I AM SO PROUD TO CALL YOU MY GIRLS !

NAS ;;
i want to say sorry making your life a living hell , and making things difficult for you. i know i am selfish . i am the reason for your pain , for the tears you cry every night and every time i find a white hair on you , i know it's all because of me >( no one relationship is perfect and ours is not an exception . but i am here for thick and thin no matter what . I LOVE YOU BUCOOOK .

NYEH NYEH MY KINKYY TWIN .
omfg , we have not met for suchaa long time , but that doesn;t mean i dont love you :D ohoh , you gone through so much. from being butch AND landing yourself with a guy that i know is treating you very well . you proved that age difference don't affect love ,i miss you and we're going to meet up after n's , lovelove.

ADELIN ( my missy btichness , i love you )
nothing anyone say about you , can change our friendship. i know time get tough for you to handle, especially with rumours that i hear. but i want you to know , i am always here for you , no matter what and that i never get anything anyone say about you get to me . i burn them alive , if they dare to touch you alright.

( if your picture doesn't appear , i am sorry . you need to make me proud first JOKE !)

2007-08-17T05:34:00.000-07:00

oh , i realised my gf don't blog about me too much . maybe i don't appear in her mind as often it did to me . yes , she can give people random things , but not me .

i miss didi and sam :( and i miss you ( nas jangan brangan nak mampos eh , it's not you)

2007-08-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

it's like an addiction :( i can't get rid of it . people find it annoying but to mee , i am a paranoid lah ok ! :(

I GET PARANOID ARE YOU HAPPY ?
yes it's because of you. i don't know why / are you ashamed of me . or is it , your friends are better ? tell me . i need to know . cause for now . i don't know anything about it .

yes,she's prettier .
yes, she's better .

well , it don't matter . cause i am the one that love you best.

2007-08-11T01:20:00.000-07:00

hello nikita , i miss you small girl :( iwant to relive those days when we scream and shout barefooted laughing to our own jokes . but again , those were the days when we were single . :( i miss you .

& nas . i am sorry for these few days. no , you're not brainles neither are you stupid and have a peabrain. seriously , i am selfish and self-centered :(

i love you, precious .

2007-07-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

nyeeeeh :( i don't know what's wrong with us these few days. It's not like before . It's not lik a year ago,when i know, nothing could go wrong. I knew that what we have is love, and i know , it will never be easy . But everything is falling apart, bit by bit. i hate the way we have to fight everyday ,i hate the angry face you make whenever we fight. i wanted so much to scream , but knowing myself , knowing how much i love you , i couldn't. not one bit , and ever if i do. It does not mean that i love you any less. It hurts whatever you did , and it make me cry .I don't seem to get what's going on, all we ever say it's a hello and godbye :( But baby , i want you to know nothing change. I am still the same girl, you fell in love with .

ILoveYou, Nas.

2007-07-24T02:42:00.000-07:00

i ammmm feeling super insecure :(
Girlfriend don't understand , cause she's butch. period.
:( :(
oh, okay,i wish nas was like , a GIRL GIRL LAH.

2007-07-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

HELLO ASSSHOLLEESSSS :D
so thanks to flu fever cough (NYEH I SAID IT YESTERDAY)
i cannot take my so honoured prize for topping in maths.
i am good at numbers, i wonder if i am the same in bed
:f oh oh, yesterday i came home early , thinking i should zzzzzz.
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO .i sat down infront of the computer O.O
waiting for konek brain to come online .
BUT ATICCA BEING BLUR FORGET HER SEXY BOXERS KONEK BRAIN GF WENT OUT :(
so i was left in these dirt-taaaay world wide web to do my shit.
>( i suck at finding goooood things to do .
without GF . my life is like fucking blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
and i had a fucking great time talkign to adelin !!!! :D
OMFG , DID YOU KNOW THAT MISS-LOVE-YOU-VERY-MUCH-TILL-I-CONFESS-TO-YOUR-FACE.
did exactly what her name means -.- /
sorry but first time i hear this ah , and i think it's fuck stupid.
:/ nyehnyeh never heard of anyone this dumb.
nyeh nyeh ! :D
okay lah , i am fuck bored already .
(kids, this is what too much exposure of Lesbin Porn do to you)

2007-07-18T02:12:00.001-07:00

hello baby . i love baby .
but thanks to cough,flu,fever. >(
nyeh , the only cure = sex.

2007-07-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

I never truely treasure the ones that I love.
But for the first time, I will .

God was never on our side.
The Love was taken away once, but i'll never let you slip away again.
I know I may not say it, half as much as I should.
But when I say I love you girl, that means for good.
And you need to know, that the only place where i want to be.
Is wherever you are .

It seems to be a year ago since I've known you.
And we got a lifetime to go .
You're my future , my present
The one I keep within me , The only one I truely love.
I swear you're the only girl that can give me this feeling
A feeling of being Loved.

You give love a whole new meaning
With you,
I find myself lost in your eyes , Crushed with your lips.
And I will never ask for more than Your Love.
I Love My Girfriend A Lot. And No One Can Change That

2007-07-07T12:32:00.000-07:00

hello you , i don't think you love me anymore . :(
oh bother , why am i even crying .
i am insecure . i can't pretend that i am not anymore,
byebye.

2007-06-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

oh remind me again .

can i tell you how much i wnat to jump on you and tell you that i love you
when you can;t even back me up when people say the darnest things about me
i don;t care about what people say about me . right , but seroiusly .
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR FUCKING BRAIN !
omfg , i want to say i love shazzey and alll :D
both of you are loves .
okay i wnat to end here . i don't need people telling me i am demanding .
my tainted nails spells fuck you .

2007-06-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

happy daddy's day .[daddy sendiri yang edit gambar tu eh]

okay i trashed everything i said , we both regret what happened alright?
ILoveYou still , and very much indeed. I didn't mean to be selfish,selfcentered
and everything else next to mean. it's not the little green monster.
it's just me :[ and i sorrrrrreeeehhh . i guess i just being childish all over

i can't see another girl taking your place .
even if it's just for a minute.
you finish my sentene , you know things before i do.
and most of all , no one can love me like you do .

2007-06-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

i miss having your hair in my face ! :( i keep saying it's an irritant/
but thats what puts me to sleep during long ride home or ,
even just a simple nap with you by myside :(
a week is fuck long , and make it worse to know you crying .
and i can't do anything , just let you weep telling you it's alright.

on a lighter note , i got season four L word ! I FEEL COMPLETE .
i watched the whole show few months back ,think.
and i swear , alice&tasha are so hot together .
and shane's is much hotter. and the fucks are better , more realistic.
i am no pervert, but sex is suppose to be natural ON SCREEN,
but i bet shane and paige continued behind the scene.

okay i dah tired and i am goign to watch L word.
and talk to faiz , somehow talking to her , keeps me distracted.
I LOVE FAIZ ! HAHA , BITCH KEEPS ME AWAKE TILL THE SUN RISE
[edit/]
omfg , i am crying my balls out at 5.17am in the morning ! :( :(
i have not seen you for years , or so it feels like.
i can't do much , but to cry .i miss you .
i love you , that goes pretty much without saying .

i never been nice to you , nor am i worth your time or even love .
i am being paranoid once again ,i am going round the bush.

just know one thing , i love you .
what i mean is ,
i don't need your money to buy my love.
i don't need you to be Katherine moennig for me to fall for you.
i just want you to be you ,
Be Nas .

2007-06-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

yoooxx ! bitches , i am in school .:( and looking for art materials apparently
hah , i am putting aside 4 hours for studies everyday before i leave.
and then i have three parties to attend :/ oh bugger,
i am going to mug mug mug mug .
Gf cam over yesterday , and HAHA! ordered food and slept.
shazzeey cooked food for herself , and that means meggi and porrige/
:/ oh , i will be gone for a week , going to godknows where .
it amazes you what one can do. :D
i apparently don't blog that much cause i don't see
nor think that people want to listen to me bragg bout stuff .
i want want want that nike jacket :(
and school is sucha waste of time .

2007-05-26T02:13:00.001-07:00

The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

i am listening to avril , innocence.
AND YES , I WANT TO CRY ':(
i was talking to Gamar , about how you know it's the right one for you
oh, how do people know . how did my parents know that they are meant
for each other , when they fight often .
mum and dad , have always been the best (:
t'day i went to collect report . and i didn't do that bad.
i love and hate studying . i only like it, when i pass.
WHO DOESN'T ! :( but my result might as well , be a FAIL .
and it doesn't make a total difference .
i am still in my uniform , and dad wants to change his mind about psp.
wants to change it because my uncle can get a whole 100games FREE .
hahha ! ATICCA DON'T NEED TO STUDY ALREADY (:
but the whole reason is to put my porn in:/ (JOKE!)
HAHA !!! i hate people who tYpeeeeEE l0ik3 thIxxzz
that was random , but a girl who type like that added me.
and i totally blocked user ! pffftt.

daddy is behind me , sleeping on my bed ! and guess what.
GAMAR ! REMEMBER THOSE SUCIDE GIRLS .
THEY ARE PORN STARS ! i went to check them up .HAHHA ! SO FURRR-NAYEEE .
they are ike super megafcuk hot , and it was their first ever time on tv-oo
HAH ! :) okay . i will check them out tonight ! when no one in the room
oh man , adelin's pissed :( okay !

I AM JUST COUNTING TIME TILL SHE'S HOME :(
i miss you .

2007-05-25T09:17:00.001-07:00

i had a super long day :(
baby fetched me to town ,and i got out of the house
just to meet her ( see i am a nice gf )
& so later i meet aunty , and we went shopping.
she's nice when she has money ,
and she's the motherly-est mother i know .
( my mum is a friend to me )
and blabla .

i hate the topic of friends or partner.
it's always the main cause of fights .
& i think , it's so stupiddd ... if you chose friends.
i mena seriously , wtf .! abang i am very sad :(
you spoiled her day today ,when all she want
is to see your face . takper , whats done is done.
and , i am thankful for the beloved to be ever so understanding .
ergghhh , i love cutesy chubby face .

baby , no one fly away from a r/s with SUPERMAN
hah & my superman is superKENTAL. but i love you all the same .

2007-05-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

i can't take it when i found out my results :(
i am seriously crushed, and i think KFC is going to be
my source of ....(what's the word sia )
i stayed home one whole day t'day cause
apparently school is sucha bore after exams .
i think i shall just stay home , and prolly
mug mug mug mug :( i cannot tahan my stupid results.
i am going to make use of the first twoo weeks
& only enjoy the weekend .
i dont know , but i think i shall just whine
to Nas alone .
:( nights people .

2007-05-21T12:06:00.000-07:00

t'day , when i was telling Baby about our fifth-vesary .
i notiched her eyes are super ceeeenaxxx .
& she got ultra sexy thin lips .

results are out .
math ; 84/100<
english ; 56/100
malay ; 58/100<

i am super dissapointed for math :( but i didn'y study it ,
>so oh well . n's do better ! BUT ZZZZOMMMMG !
i passsed malay dok ! i happy gilerbapaknakmamposmacamcheebye !
now you , matmat&minahminah say i budak london ,
CAN GO KISS MY ARSEEEE .aku boleh cakap MELAYU .
and english was well expected , i am never good in languages .
can onlyy talk , but write ! let's just say
i don't express myself well enough or so they say .
AND AND AND ! t'day was really ,suay for us :(
i got my temper , paranoid and childishness got in the way .
i am sorry for treating you like this ALWAYS @
not once , but since ever ! :( sorry bichann .
you had a choice , and you sayed on . until you knew ,
this little brat got what she wanted and you left . :( :(
i amsorry ,truely am .
i'll make up to you , and send you to school tmr ,
and face all of your schoolmatexxzzz .

i overheard a conversation t'day, and i am not being a key-po .
>but ThankYou stranger .
cause of you , i found and realised the strength of love
or rather , of loving someone .
it's like you know , it going to be hard , but you stayed on.
Baby knows my attitude from the start , and knew i was
and always have been a brat , but she had a choice .
& stayed , cause (I HOPE) she truely does love me .
(okay fine .skarang i very ego already)
you see , you don't love a person because she's perfect .
you love a person , because she's not perfect
it's going to be a hard and long bumpy road for both
but deep inside , you want so much to lead and be there for her
that you bring in , your love ,your heart and everything else
into the relationship . It's okay if it fails .
Cause at th end of the day , you both have each other .

In relationship , friction makes everything stronger.
And if we do fall apart , know that we son the fight in our own way .
And that is , taking the chance of actually making it right ,
knowing it will hurt .

2007-05-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

i am listening to Who I Am Hate Who I've Been by Relient K .
Aarrrggghhhh , how can i only know of them noww :/
and that song is like 3years back(?!)
& they're a christian band ( long story people )
Aletheia is coming to Sg end of this year . WOOOOO .
planning , to walk on spits in singapore ,barefooted with her.
and Aussie , IT'S LEGAL TO SMOKE POT :/
omfgggg , y'all druggiee smokers should migrate there
&kill your braincells and have sleepy eyes.
okay , i changed song , Be My Escapee.
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
sunday's pretty much a bore.i am sitting infront of computer
and stickyy . I've pretty much a routine when Baby is over .
watch t-vvoooo and we end up on the floor ,
okay , tmr i going school . and papers are out .
Gurdian Angle , GrandDaddy , watch over my sorry ass .

2007-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

okay she came , and we ate . and since fahr was at home with me ,
we couldn't take the room . :(
oh all in all , we fell asleep watching special victims unit .
or rather i did .HAH ,it was so funny cause she complained being tired.
but i fell asleep :/
&so once again , the menses ain't regularr .

2007-05-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

this is funny , Baby&Me can't speak malay.
Thankyouverymuch . we sound ..foreign.and MissIWantToComeOVer
is bathing , and on the way , but i have yet to shower and i smell of sticky sweat.
Oh gross , i smell like grandma. I am so gay , cause i am listening to Nsync.
something like you can happen to me
and i've yet to go shopping , cause my source of casshh ain't workingg :/

okay , i mandi lah. Bye people , i want a good fuck later okay ,gf .

2007-05-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

you leave me speechless when you talk to me
You leave me breathless the way you look at me
You managed to disarm me, my soul is shining through


i know i fell for you hard , very very badly . It's a whole new
game for me ,but you played it well and you played me out :(
everything seems pointless to you
at that point of time. i was just anothergirl and it was just
another game .but all i did , to make things work ,
went down the drain .one conversation i'll always remember 
how you said , you'll forget me ,
how you know everything going to be fine w/o me :(
i never knew that a girl's life can be crushed with just words like that ,
but it did . :(

you were there for everything love, good or bad.
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up


i had thinking about that little chapter of our love,
but we can never pretend itnever happen :(
today , looking back it's all worth while. baby it's stronger now /
i love bichaan .

2007-05-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

okay i have currently a new obsession ! OHMYGOD! she's superrrr megahotfcuk . tal boleh angkat dokkkkk , super hotfcuk. but her gf merepek know the face.

KIM STOLZZ .

people say her face like Katherine moennig but she's real. shane is just an imaginary charater by LwordProduction but this butch/femme is real. AND SHE'S LIKE MEGA FUCK HOT :D oh , and Ellen was the whole reason behind we gay come out in open .' people say it's matter of choice for us to be gay.but who in the right mind to chose a compliacted path ? -ellen d. ALERMAKS . she straightfoward . sam send me the video. 10 years back when ellen first came out straight gay ,and it's inspiring .she's not a gay activist , but she respect all gender . okay , i am not going to go to the 'RESPECT ALL GENDER , IT'S US BEING OURSELVES ' part.

vivo-ed today ,and i bumped into jessss-mean and boyfriend. but nas and i were busy playing catchupwiththeheightmanszzzxxxx that i totally blanked outt /

aticca : STAND UP STRAIGHTTTT !

jesss-mean :ATIQAAAAAHHH !

aticca : oh hello . -to nas- STAND STRAIGHT YOU BITCH .

after twenty steps /

aticca : EH THATS JES-MEAN !

i know i stupid . but today suayyy man. Shazzey&Me having menses .Fahr eatting her heart out. Nassy's fever was super highhhhh . but all in all , it's like supper crappppp . i went toilet 841365 times ahhhh :/ so furnayyyeeee

2007-05-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

there's climax@play but i will be leaving singapore on the 10th and once come back have the trengganu trip to go :/i so do not want to go lah please. completing L word season 4 but season 3 is with jane since everr . let's open topic .

you know the giodarno singature 'quote' : a world full of strangers

i agree . but not in the positive way. the world is a cruel place and full of lies.friends aren't actually friends . bestfriends ? even worse. the outcome can be major man. Bestfriends + fight = cold war . and since , i am not good at making friends , so why bother starting kan . i never believe in clique. it's so hyprotical. (or whatever the word is ) all these while , i think it's just bullshit . but this year , i turn back on my words , my own values . and i guess i am paying the price for being a fool . but i am not doing anything about it . i am living , still breathing and the only thing that change is i am stronger , a whole lot. words can't do damage but it break the trust / i am bitch , and i speak only the truth thats all , an into your face . i won't bother putting on a fake smile and laugh like a plastic girl . i rather be a loner you see. (:

i live on this :

you like being bitchy, and becoming a bitch, you can live on your own.

regardless of what people say.

friends , they come and go . and i am glad i never been to clingy at all . i know a friend who been there all these while . not one but a few , and i am grateful for everything.i should have listened to you , and not them. but i am here a whole lot different but somehow the same . friends , not good friends you see.

but a bestfriend ? yes , i found. i would not call her my soulmate cause we are not alike is anyways . but being the exact opposite of me fills the other half . something , and someone i can never be nor something i can live without . she doesn't make my heart race , not my palm sweat but she does make me feel ... special . something a girl always want to feel . i don't have to be first in math , or top in class to be special , but just being with her, creates that .. feeling . even though she stares down my shirt , and claim i am the prettiest thing she ever seen ( i know , she's blind too . ) .or makes stupid games in the train , i still love her for who she is .

everything is worth doing , just for you

2007-05-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

i want want want want want want
1.to go out on a date that have not be settled on for years with adelin and gang :(
2.want to have a tango=twiss battle with nas in the train .
3.to kill someone for now , oh for the love of life .
4.to go out and scream shout and dance around , cause i love life ,alone :D
5.to extort money from shazzey's wallet .
6.a crangbangbang time killing . you woman

oh and blood is thinker than water . even if you sin ,a sinner you'll be at that time.but within , you're still the same :) i am glad i can share the experience with bhav . i can get it finally out of my chest , like so much. oh and i miss fcuking alot of people .

saturday are always boring , so yeah/ i rather watch porn

2007-05-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

like seriously , you think . you're the one who think backstabbing is a game for one ,
but actually two can play it.

BUT I AM THROUGH WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME .

remember , what i only need is nas fahr and shazzey. (:
i have not been good at making friends , so why start kan.alermakkkkksss.yeterday i talked to naddy , and she sot of became my source of venting angst . sorryyy bumperr .but its true , asal wnat to backstab sumer.tell straight off cannot ? as for me.i don't start the game. cause you'll lose in the end . i told nas yesterday , let them be. one day they know , its gone and it'll forever be gone . but what they lost is self pride in themselves. and right , i told alot of bullshit crap to nadyy . i cried talking about the last time i got stuck in the toilet. and i actually prayed . :/ oh wells . bichan ,you can make me laugh at any point of time. i know(: alah , idk. with the stupidd treeengggtengteng . oh the world revolves ard gf :)

at least i don't brag about the past kan fahrr :D

2007-04-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

i don't like nas . i dont like nas .sorry , but fuck you bitch .

ergh , to think you actually do understand . next time please do show off my panties to the
rest of the world . even though it's grandmother panties lah okay .
and and , it would hurt so much less if __ didn't put it up and i would not know :D
so can i please slaughter you till you fucking die . cause seriously , i am pissed .
and my keybpard is going to crash for the fucking tears .

alamak , in the words of em .
aticca kental!!!!!!!
:D

oh you know not , somehow kan . i miss em . not like ___ maybe its good to have a butch friend .
someone close . HAHAHAH ! EH BITCH YOU WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPEN BEFORE KAN. NOTHINGG LAH. i never got touchd . get that fucking straight . don't act gay please . you piss me off big time . i wa talking to em about it , and she was like cibai friend of yours :D oh oh , i find satisfaction in vulgarities . ohhhhhh . i am the carmen for jane's party . oh howfunn . i am going to be miss-i-am-trying-to-be-sexy . maybe i should send her a picture of my so cannot make it look alike. and nasthecibai is miss max .the super cannot make it .:/ i will say this in malay.

alamak , asal aku ader matair sekental nas ni eh ? :/ i know very mean kan . but i cannot help it .
I WANTT SAM NOW :D the stupid sialan promise to come on tapi cannot make it. you know how many people dont know her tapi kan she's the closest thing in heart . just last week i caught myself dreaming of her tau . and best part everytime i close eyes , I SEE HER LAUGHING AH !
shiooooookkkkkk . nas aku tarok bawah bantal busokk . lamer lamer , jadi bachiinn . ah lagik satu , i caught that kawan of mine calling someone bichaan . got shockkkkk. i think i very shock till the tetek can drop off and roll and hit all the pins . but i don't care very much. tapi , actually i care ah.cause bichaan is nas namee . takper , she's a friend so okay :D

and i miss the sexy farmer's wifeee ah . that one another onee. entah , i want to rant rant to her tonight also i don't know where she goooooo . i still neeeed to see you naked ah sayangg . :D

okay aku dah tak boleh tahan . i cannot speak malay for nutsss . later all my curls become straight like cheebye ceena pok hair , i will fuck myself/

camat malam kentalll . may your holes be played till sun dawn . HOOOOWWWDEEEEEEEEE .
-sam aku masih tunggu eh kental.

2007-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

alermaks , i know i have been giving you shits for like omfg - 2411215741135798 days kan ? tapi nas , you must know , through all those stupid words i said , the tone i gave and all the miserable sacarsm i made i sayang you lah ok . when i say i malas nak gadoh means , i want to make up for the stupid stuff i did ,said and err gave you . despite the stupid chee-ko-peks look you gave me , and the really irritating -swish- you make with your hair , and the mega fuck huge earphones you have , the fucking funny bloopers you make . alah , you are the same person i fell in love with 2 months or so back then . tapikan you , my syurga smell kalau melekat pat you , mesti pompan pompan pat luar lari pat you . so takyah lah you . i simpan untok diri i sendiri kkayy .

i want to say so much , but i keep it to myself .
you pretty thing , i shall treasure .

2007-01-03T07:10:00.000-08:00

one day i know you will realise everything i am going through .
but for now , i can only hope

depressing enough ? i don't know . or idk .
i shall keep the tongues rolled in my mouth , and save the saliva glands babeeeeee .

2006-12-24T10:23:00.000-08:00

i can finally fucking blog ? omfg. i am pissed to my sheeetzzz with blogger :/

eh do you know that i just realised how many people think that my relationship would not like seriously work out ? omg .i am astonished . FUCK YOU. seriously sak . fahr told me that i too friendly , abeh yang lain cakap . KAU MEMANG .MATAIR MACAM BAJU SAK .kalah wadrobe aku pat rumah :/ ( translation ; YEAH YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKE SHIRTS KNOW . MY WADROBE AT HOME ALSO , NOT THAT MUCH :x) i don't know . but there's one thing good about being all of this that i was , i know the difference between love and lust . and this is definately love . see aku romantic kan . nas nas nas , i love you ok . and i think people are sick of hearing me talk about you , cause they know i am crazy over the moon about you . but but you step over my head , and i crash you with the sloppiest kiss that you ever know . then you regret doing it to me ah .

sometime sweet little things , even the small tiny winiest bits gives you the satisfaction of just making her smile . she almost missed the last train cause she came all the way . and she made my day , after the rents give me a super big cold shoulder. and and , she looks darn sexy in bed . i am sorry tapi kan . looks can be deceiving sey :/ she's innocent and i want to keep it that way . i don't want to pollute her :) i am proud of myself . i kept my hands to myself , and that is by far the greatest achievement i made .

i miss faiz alot :( i miss the way she suddenly pops out of nowhere and scream HELLO. and and , those stupid times when we actually stare at each other for no fuckingzzzxxxx reason :( entah eh pantat . next year dah takder kau macam maner ? and she gave a randomly edditted picture of me and her . omfg its so sudden tau .macam , like that ah . i know faiz will scream cause of minah/malay sudden speaking .but yeah . i will miss faiz siaaa. TAPI TAPI KAN. i wont miss the two fatest bimbos i ever known man . alerrmaks. awak tu dah gemok nak mampos . cakap orang majiam majiam .somehow thinking about faizz will trail me off to thos two . sorrryyyyyyyyyy faizz .

okay my post is another boring one. sorr-eeehhhh

2006-12-20T20:13:00.000-08:00

extra mentel (:

2006-12-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

nas , hannah and ian came over todayy . at first darn boring lahh . i slept okay , :/ danngg. and i was dozing off so badlyy . hah , nas was being obliviouss .hannah lent a shoulder to sleepp onn and iann loves hannah belly . they are dang dang cute lahh (: omfgg . you know i swear , i was being like a mother to them . i told them straight things off to the face about stuff (: like having a relationship and friends ,girlfriend or friends. that kinda thing . hannah finds it hilarious seriously . and when the bitch and the bitch meett ,IT"S BITCHING TIME BABE ! oh we talked about everything , and major boob attack came on .nas was spared though , luckky asshole . and alot of little moments happen . between me and hannah . ian and hannah . and of course , me and boo(: and i still have not tried the band camp kiss thing i think its darn coooool . eh eh you , must try one day okkkayy . oh well , hannah is really sweet and really dang god happy with ian now (: so i am happy tooooooo (:

its sweet and yet sexy at the same time . i remmeber those sepet eyes i stared at . and when we could just stare and not utter a word . and then suddenly smile (: it's one of those moments i want to grab and never forget . i remmeber we just holding onto each other as if , if one let goes , we'll fall . i never want to remember the look on your face when i talked about her . i just want to remmeber the face you gave tat send a message down to the thumping heart . i want to remmeber the face of yours when you said , iloveyou but somehow i know this time you really do. oh ,and how can i forget the very first time the lips met . i know it was your very first . and i am going treasure allll of that . you're innocent yet sexy know ? but all of that don't matter much .cause i love you for who you really are nas , innocent virgin and just plain cut lame .

baby i love you (:

2006-12-18T23:36:00.000-08:00

it really comes down , not how many times you say iloveyou or iadoreyou and not even imissyou . but it's really how much you show that you actually mean those words you say. i never wanted you to actually take me under your wings but all i ask is to show me the real feelings of yours . i am done and through with the game , but i want so much for you to stay and be a part of my life .have you wondered why i actually stay on , saying those words even knowing its wrong you know , i am not yours . cause you never seem to ever want to take the chance to let me be yours. i am not being selfish , i am justbeing rational. i love you, nas . i truely do . but sometime i doubt you know how much . i doubt you know why i am still carrying a torch for you , after all thats done . but never ever doubt . that i love you deeply, and i am not letting anything go, not for now .

i love you , nas

2006-12-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

like , i'm back and guess what . my bill bomb till 557 buckkss . i am so dead , and so is my phone . thankyou.
just came back burnt and all tired . i had a staring game with a m'sian minah. and its darn funnayye (:
i came home and the first thing i saw was on nassy blog , dang . its good ,its nice and it made me cry .
crash i should seriously goo for nowww (:

2006-12-11T16:34:00.000-08:00

that's one girly butch

[/edit]

likee oooommmmmfffffggggggg . i have not blogged since agess . mofo. oh didn't i tell you all .

i am cancerrrr-freeeeeeeee .

yeah . that was the best thing the doctors toldd me within that twoo weeks (: aticca is strongg like her man-made assholeee . it feeels like as if everything is beeen lifted off the shoulders . parents beeen understanddding about gf and mee , but still it suck for them to tell my auntiess and uncles about it straight infront of mee . aticca needs to dig up a hole and burry herself in itt . i cried yesterdayy and i don't really know why , but i did cry ! it was one of those moments where i wishh , i want to justt fadeee awayy .

okay.aticca needs to stop being a drama queen

okay ,dad is on leave for like three weeks ? and mum for 10 days . but we are off tmr to god-knows-where for some kinda like bagg packinggg . one week or soo . since dad is on leave . he's pretty much my driver for the week . i am just tooo lazy for public transport and the cab fare is too unreasonable. they should make a student fare kinda thingg .then it's like cheaperr . i finally got that nike jacket that i have been eyeing on and dad told me to like , get a job at nike bird ? mann , my parents are looking for discounts everywhereee . oh ? i am so sick of vivo alreadyy . i am more comfortable with town . i still miss playing catching in town and running in the rain kinda thingg :< gay friend is tooo busy with guurrrlfrienddd . oh , i am not clingyyy . fate does not allow us to talk even online ? but it's alright i guess . things do fadeee awayy , but not to much i hopee . eh eh , if you seee this . please remind yourself that you do actually miss me okayy (: oh , as everyone knows . i 'ma bitch. i bitch like fuck buissness . and gf told me to put a stop to itt . and i will follow the expression alll ceeeena, oh includingg a malay onee , nass like to makee -__- .

me : holyyshitts . can her hair get anyy lighter ? then maybe the sun don't

have to shine on itt :/

gf : are you done ?

me : no ? eeeyyerr . and that 14 year old bitch is having like a vodka campaign on her

friendster profilee . poserrrr .

gf : that better be the last one . i can't hear another sin from your mouth anymore.

me : like you never bitch before ?

gf : i did , but it was an innocent one .

me : how so ? when you called your stalker a clown , a green goblin ?

gf : cause it's a fact . you can't count the acne on her face . cause then you prolly grow

one yourself . and the two front teeth aare like bunny's.

dang the purple is tooo gay : / and so is gf . i can't take it , when i have to shut myself when she's around . so she wouldn't nag about the sins we are already making , and the more we get from just bitching -___- . holy fuck . that expression come in handyy sometimes . and i am finnallyy getting back on track with the ever so famous nasssyyyy babbyyy (: i miss her to the shitttzz but she's tooo busy to squeeze a date out and now she's workingg . so maybe i dropp by and mess up toyr'us so she have to repack them all over agaiin. i need to play game with you onlinee when i am bored , and the stupid things we make up during major boring days . i loveee nas but she loves me more :D and! and! i am so missing the schooool now . i drove past thereee (actually daddy did) and i miss all stupid things we diddd . hannahh just came backk from KL . eh ? club there right . oh well you didnt miss a thing in sgg . ): you ditched the four-some date but we can only get it back like when i come back ? urghh .fucking longg. I NEED TO SEE HANKY-PANKYY .SUGAR AND SPICEE MISSES THEM .crashh . oh and i have alot of people telling me about underage partiess :/ likee errr ok . i know i sound like a bimbo now , but i can't give two fuck . cause i think i can shake my ass more at home with the beloveds . and i don't need a stranger butt at my front ,cause to think of it . eeeww . for now, the major clique don't want . so i will wait till they do , then we crash. graciee is back , and i have been wanting the super cute tinkerbell bikinii (: i misssssinggg grace alot . we kick butt in school remember ? and camp would be a super bore without youu man :/ we create havoc in class , with the tamil tigers and gangg . and the super loud shoutingg , and running fromm kohh to get foood up. oh well . i haven't seen you yet during hols . (: but that doesn't mean i don't miss you okayy ! ooohhh . it's only 9.38 am nowww . i think this post is already long enough to put all of you to sleepp . i sound soo bimboo lah please ! hannah , we so need to bitch . i am leaving behind all the mjor gossips for you.

if your name does not appear , i dont miss you at all .

but if it does , THEN i miss you like a girl needs a wholelot of chocolate .

(dang , it doesn't make sense)

2006-12-06T19:08:00.000-08:00

oooooohhh . she's anoter sweet at heart , cum sweetheart . my little MISS-I-AM-LESBIAN-THANKYOU-VERYMUCH.she's darn popular with boys but hey !she's another gayygayy too :) we call it gay-lovingg . i know now, shes rather down with the gf and friends . but i asure her , things will blow over soon enough and this is just another pahse of life . shes not there physically but i know emotionally shes there with mee. for all the shits . she's darn cute please .when she bitch about the newbie and the irritants (: AHHHH .she's what i call L-O-V-E :D i know shes love me much but never more than her gfff rightt~ . oh . love there's only one of you, so i have to share youu lorh ): but remember i love you always girl.

2006-12-03T05:02:00.000-08:00

oh wow . it's beeen long i actually talked about reality lifee now (: .

i want you all to meet one of my bestest gayy friend :D OH WAIT . she's my bestest gay friend . and it's a two way feeeeling ain't it baby? we flirted all our way round . (: but it comes down , to when she was there for everythingg . the stupid decisions about you , the thing when i supposed turn straight . she knows i lied my wayy too . but she gave me all the support (: and it was her who was there when my friends turned their back when i turn gay . HAH , cause she's gay too ? but she never turned back , when i actually went off with a guy (?!) stupid decision but she caught me when i fell . we went through alot to keep the friendship strong on. with the ex-girlfriend , with the we-cant-be-together-we-end-up-playing-behind-each-others-back . i thought everything was going to goo all awkward . but it's been by far the best friendship i had .

cause handsome . now we've went through alot for lovee , and it's time we get a break and enjoy what's infront of us . i know you're really happy where you are now ,and i have found a love to settle on . is it me ? or is everything that is happening with us , happens at the same time . ohh boyy (: i am estaticc for youu . i can't remember the last time you are this happy and smiling like a bitch . but don't forget all the stupid things we do and say in publicc. cause you're the most -everything- friend i have. retarded ,stupid .name it and it is you . you know , everything i do . i tell you . and in the same way you doo . i have yet set a date to let you meet her , but i really want too . (: i love you handdsomee . and i know you love me too . i want the smile on your face as long as it can .

2006-11-28T06:49:00.000-08:00

cause there's something greater in life , rather than just love .
and that is sex

oh please call me horny . underage , you say . another would say , everyone is doing it ?! sooo ? but i call it wonderful . care to take the road down for a little lecture of some sex stories ? HAHA . this is so hilarious . i was just talking to grace about something .and she said , MAKE LIFE WONDERFUL .and here goes sexxxx .

sex is money
who doesn't watch porn ? it's degrading but hilariouss. ever heard the japanese moan .( OH OH NO OFFENCE ) cousin said it sound like dogs wailing . i find it sooo fake . all for cashhh and all the porno sites are to die laugh forr. i don't even get horny watching it :/ and those horny bastards who watch it everyday are fucking no lifee / seriouss . you watch and play with yourself.

sex is fun
they say sex brings pleausure. it's fun . especially with the outmost toys the stores offer now-a-days. the dildos are now comingout with different purposee . the one i saw in this foreign magazine that nash showed , a lesbian magazine. it shows like 9 different dildos each attending to differend putposes. one that can really help. not that i tried . but the one that is pointing upwards . for the pleasure of g-spot. vibrators are also handyy . and i i think S&M, slave and master is a turn onnn :D BAHH whips chains are soooooooooooo turnonnn (: black and orangee tooo.it's a short cut to making me hornyy (: pain is pleasurre babeeeexxx

sex is love.
that is what sex means to me most (: what it means. should only be kept to myself.

there a fucking looong post after a longg time . health aint improving. i had going to hospital :/

2006-11-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

i enjoy non-fighting , playing in the rain , get drenched ,
see through shirts with sexy black bras and with two goood friends around .

2006-11-20T19:48:00.000-08:00

i bid the last goodbye . so you save every strength you hold .
i am not losing anything .
you're just something , i never had .

2006-11-19T10:22:00.000-08:00

house warming party at uncle's turn out to be a bonding session for the other sidee.

let me show you the star for my night (:

he's a 10 year old trashtalker and if there's a YO KIDDO

for kids who are trash talkers , he would have won it hands down .

oh he's a part time gay .

it starts with a nice picture (:

my titties are off limits (:

my camwhoring session starts to kick off

my parents are the most adorable thing , i swear.

i know he's a goodkisser , and i only say that cause he's my daddy.

she's the hottest mother any girl need . now people drool .(:

aidil's angels at work . mother is a pretty soul , dad looks hot but then typical

2006-11-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

define friends .

it caught me think ing yesterday .

one would say , someone who never lose touch and care for you.

but where do you draw the line for your friendships ?

a kiss on the cheeck , some would say.

but a kiss on a lips is more than enough .

what if i say .

you know it's wrong to give a kiss . cause that's where everything starts.

but deep down , you know you would never want to stop .

it starts with the first kiss , and then it leads to another .

inside you , you crave for more .

more of her touch , her kiss . and everything else after .

do you still call it friendship ?

she knows whatever her feelings are , it's not love .

and his feeling deep down , it's not love either .

but , doing whatever they always do.

it's something that brings agreat set of atisfaction towards each other .

(: i end it here , friend .

2006-11-16T01:48:00.000-08:00

hello world . my name is ATICCA

my beautiful at work .

my precious attempting badminton

badminton .

and there , i love you

2006-11-13T04:17:00.001-08:00

you make me feel like life is a full game of merry-go-round.it's fun twirling around , but at the same time . it gives you a tight knot done at your tummy. it makes you smile , and the next you want to throw up . you know your lameness its what makes everything so care-free . you are carefree and that's what i love about you .

i love nas . and very much indeed.

2006-11-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

THINGS I LEARN LAST NIGHT

1. i should not not argue back when they speak . cause then the parents will keep queit faster .

2.i should never put too much hopes , no matter what you say. Because then , only me and myself will get hurt .

3. wht use is when you try your best to do something worth while , but the other party does not even bother to anything else about it .

4.IT REALLY TAKES TWO TO TANGO

5.the text messages i sent is one worth sending to a friend who actually bother to listen AND advice , an i am proud to say EM (:

6.the innocent ones are the ones that usually break your heart the most .

2006-11-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATYYY (:

it was a last minute thingg and i dressed like shitt :/ first met hannah off and then we got lost , HAHAH . hannah's hair look out of bed kinda of look . so cool yet everyone is staringg . we were squashed in the mrt , and and i talked so loud . the pretty guy beside me for pissed too . he heard about two balls and a dick conversation . bahh ! and me and hannah had a hard time walking ! OMG @ my heels were giving me tooooo many trouble :/ i could cryy ok . so sad rightt .

oh well . and then OFF PARTY . we danced danced . i grind hannah and she totally did a lap dance for me ! i was like , GIVE ME SOMEMOREE . and she totally nailed it . the songs repeated a few times but ohh boyy . HANNAH AND JEWEL ARE THE BEST DANCERS IN THE WORLD (: jewel can shake like really really shakkee (: and roula is veryy into the zonee . bwah . and then the games came up , we just slacked in theback room . haha . we tried dancing there ? but the songs were more of , light up the lighter and follow the slow tempo ): hahah and then the dancing came up again ! (: BAHAHAHA . we danced on the chairr . haha insanee . siyi , adela , hannah , shabnam , jewel , roula , SARAH CHEEE (: , sharon , jihae and charis . we danced like balls ( i mean it in a good way dearest ) and hannah and me grind again and again . i don't care if i was called a slut thank you very much . all i wanted to do was to have fun (: and most of them weren't dancing . they stood there. so i told hannah , LET'S JUST DANCE OKKAYY . left rather earlyy . hannah , me jewel and hannah bimboed all the way to the bus stop . em , was rather laughing but ohoh . we danced in the middle of the roaddd okayy .

2006-11-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

you see that smalleyy there (: HAHA . she's a sweetheartt . entertaining me in wee hours . and laughing for a reason only we know . HAHA . her favourite , you know , i know , public don't know ' HAHAHA(: oh man . i love you sonnn . and i know you love me back . we'll go take merry-go-round and eat ice-cream . it's a mother-son datee.

2006-11-09T00:17:00.000-08:00

em told me something important about love. love is something that you know its worth your time , your strength and even your tears . you need to feel wanted , to feel loved , most of all , special . words come in handy sometime , but they can be empty promises . i realise , that i have been covering up for your ignorance , my stupidity. the dark , as most of you know is something i have always been afraid of . but yesterday , i feel that is somewhere i needed to be, a place that i know i belong . twice i cried for the same reason only a few knows. i need an intoxication to feel normal again . cause everytime i am alone i am reminded of the same thing again and i cry. i feel stupid for believing every word you say , every time i think it's going to be good , going to happen . its crush at one's hand . and this time its crush at yours . i must have put in too much hope , too much time on it . i forgot about the people who were actually there . em said something that crash my heart too yesterday. and maybe she's right. :/

i am sorry .

2006-11-08T23:33:00.000-08:00

shans; san francisco says:
you vain girl taking pictures of yourself.
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
i know thank you very much .
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
(:
shans; san francisco says:
you are MOST welcome
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
HAHAHA . come on , i am not exactly pretty
shans; san francisco says:
pretty in your own atiqah way. (model answer) but its the truth!
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
sometimes a certain ego boost is goooddd enough
shans; san francisco says:o
kay youre verrrryyy pretty like MODEL pretttyyyy
shans; san francisco says:
with that MODEELLLic bodyy
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
i have fats thank you very much
shans; san francisco says:
a model is never a true model unless she has some fats
shans; san francisco says:
a effing fat-less model is like dating a effing paper model.
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
ah (:
>/ heartbeat of my pain says:
you say the sweetest thing

the perfect man can be anywhere else in the world
but he chose to be with her cause life is better with her by his side

that is the only highlight today . nothing else was fun , not even you

2006-11-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

on days like these ,

i want to crawl under the covers and

just just roll myself into a big ball .

And i would cry.

if only i could , understand the mind set of one.

i would have understand you.

listen to the heartbeat of my pain .

could you imagine if there were little balls of wishes hanging around and you could pick them up and make a wish. close your eyes and really pray hard , and it come true ? boyy . if only life was that simple .

2006-11-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know youre unlike any other?

Youll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I dont wanna ever love another

Youll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder

2006-11-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

i remember people calling me that 'playgirl' . i play people outt , and leave them hanging , mending for themselves . i have been called a jerk. too many times . i know. people really just don't see me for who i really am. like nash , i am a natural flirt. i flirt without knowing i am flirting get it ? i have been said to give people false hopes and leave them crashing on the ground .

but guess what peopleee (: i have decided to put that life to a stooop. i know it's to young to settle down . but for once , it's nice to have a relationship that is worth the memories . and that's what i am going to put on youu. i don't want to be sleazing behind people's back and especially not yours. i am done , pretending to feel good about it but actually deep down . i am nott . so period . but at the same time , we are all humans. we could hurt each other without knowing . so i am neither here nor there . she knows what i feel , and it goes the same way to for me. but nothing is sett right now. (: like i always , a girl can always dream .

i want you to know , that i am going to take things slow for you , for us. i never want to rush into things . let time be the one guiding us through this . let our feelings flow themselff (:
i love you , boo .

most days , weren't like yesterday

2006-11-04T22:23:00.000-08:00

i slept on alot of people so many times . ): it ended up with alot of msges and miss calls made . and a few confessions were made , i got the whole hide-and-seek game over with . and i recorded em's snoring on the phone last few nights .hah , boy were you loud man. and i have gotten books to keep me occupied for the next few days . mother and father did some manjaing time with me last night . and this morning . it's nice to know that i am still the baby in their eyes. (: i am pampered . period

you need to know what you're up against .

2006-11-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

i don 't want to be hurt again . no one does .so i shall not plunge into false hopes and let mother nature take it's course . it's stupid , i am. but i know i am better than this . better than all the stupid things i have done for the past few days . i can't share to anyone , cause i don't want to be laughed at . i will be the joke of everyone , believe me . i am smarter than this , i swear. but somehow somewhere . how did i manage to do all of those ? i am not myself . nash said ' i expect better from you ' and it got me asking , am i that stupid ?

You can call me selfish,

But all I want is your love

You can call me hopeless

Baby cause I'm hopelessly in love

You can call me unperfect

But who's perfect?

Tell me what do I gotta do

To prove that I'm the only one for you

2006-10-30T17:56:00.000-08:00

deep down i know how you feel about me.

it's something i can't return back

cause , for truth sake .

it's someone else i am feeling for .

it's a form of rejection that i cannot actually say out .

i know how fragile you are deep inside.

but i don't want to become the source of your sufferings and pain.

it's not fair .

not for you .

i never played you out .

i meant everything i said to you , now and before.

2006-10-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

and you wonder if she could stay forever ?

kinky is my very smaller twin. she was my bitch for the day , i could flirt into her face and she could actually LAUGH(: there's my bitch . and if i were to cry and scream , she's there to do the same (: you wannt to get to know her ? caaaaaaanottt! i am hers and hers onlyy tau. i know i very cheebye thank you very much . then tadi kan. i eat eat with my two other cheebye. and they also very bitch like me. and GUESS WHAT . the bitch came.err like excuse me, if this was actually perm , your cheebye hair will be straight ok ? hah fucking funny please. anyho. outing with friends , equals too blister sayang ! WAH PAIN OK! ): ): and then ian nik maimunah and i ofcourese talked about sex , lesbian sex. size don't matter pleasee . if it does , i would be running pulling guys pants down to check the length please . dicks is never the question boy. and then we argued about this in the middle of meal . nikita was on my side as usual . partnerrr of the dayy whatt . and then HAHAH (: he resteddd his case . i should be a lawyerr know.

2006-10-26T05:20:00.001-07:00

i am proud of myself thank you very much , i managed to really get promoted to sec4 without much studying for half a year. like shanin always say , 'there's a God ' i got report card , and EH I FAIL ONLY HUMANITIES . ohoh and i nearly jumped for joyyy . and if i were to do that for the n's , i might as well end up in ITE ,which i do not mind at all but there's the parents to get through .

it's sad to see some of us , being apart . 3/8 is a group of 38 girls that contributes to the character of the class. we might have our own clique but still ):it still would not be the same.

I'm learning to fall I can't hardly breathe

When I'm going down don't worry about me

Don't try this at home

You said you don't see

I don't want to know that you know,

it should have been me

and yet again , i could really appreciate devotion . Mrs Tan talked about the 3 elements of a body . and she critised entertaiment.true , there's porn , but can't she see it as an education ? it doesn't teach you to have sex , but it teaches you whats right or wrong . you know it's right to that on bed (?!DUH) and wrong to do with multiple partners . genre of music is never an issue to others .she said rap music is bad , but then there is actually christian rap . who haven't watch sister act ? ): sadcasee.

last day of school .

at the end of the year , you going to see how badly you going to miss the class of 38 . the stupid fights of indian gang , the shoutings of several people not to be named . for being black listed for all the numeral stuffs we hide for each other's mistake. some are promoted but only a handful. others are left hanging whethere retaining or not. ): ): raihana , you work your butt okay ! must go prom night together. i have faith

2006-10-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

I'm learning to fall I can't hardly breathe

When I'm going down don't worry about me

Don't try this at home

You said you don't see

I don't want to know that you know,

it should have been me

2006-10-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

I want a normal life
just like a new born child
I am a lover hater
I am an instigater
You are an oversight
Don't try to compromise
I'll learn to love to hate it I am not integrated

HAH (: i'll make sure your life is a living hell . revenge is sweet , and you agree. (: so who is losing and having the last laugh ? nownow , would all of this happen if you actually keep your mouth shut . no , would i help you in crying matters ? nono , (: now cross your fingers bitch . cause i got more game than you do . and i'll make sure you cry and suffer .

2006-10-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

pretty boy always crush a girl's heart ):

within a night , she know your name . ishe know your face , she see the charm in your eyes . but you took everything too light . infront of friends , you look at each other like you are the only ones left in the world. a world for you to enjoy . oh pretty boyboy , you see . a girl have fell for you , too hard to actually notice your lies . you held her hands , here she is thinking you feeling her too . but you let her in her dreams . you walk her through your own life . you'll go one day . she knows , but for now , all she'll do is wish . for you to come by once more .

you're next in line , toyboy .

i'll make you want me , i'll resist you till you scream my name. i know your desire is my advantage. your lips are all mine to take. listen good , listen hard . don't step back , enjoy the game . you know my rules . no strings attached . i'll whip and spank if you ever to misbehave . pain is pleasure , i'll give whatever you desire. they call me a bitch , they call me a whore for a reason , and now the reason is you. we'll see who screams daddy first

(:(:(:(: then , you come back craving for more.

2006-10-14T01:33:00.000-07:00

hang out with hannah , raulf ? and the kecohrable gang . i swear they are ten times louder than me . (: (: and and i met a pretty boy . and he's sweet /
em , you better shut up. for now , i can only smile .

(: (: (:

2006-10-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

you can deny love , but you can not ignore pain. you can force love , but you can not make pain go away . you can nuture love , but pain comes naturally . would you care to see , a person you love being happy but without you by her side. would you want to see you by her side , but she never gives a smile.what's love ? it's an acceptance of a being , into anothers world.

love is friendship , love is a form of acceptance.

2006-10-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

you stare at the far corner of the room , glancing a shot.

she's there.

you try to reach out for her hand , telling her bit by bit.

she's never listening.

Look into your heart you will find

There's nothing there to hide

Take me as I am, take my life

I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for

I can't help it, there's nothing I want more

You know it's true

Everything I do, I do it for you

2006-10-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

you cry , knowing you hurt someone dear to your heart .
you laugh , knowing you hurt somebody who deserves it .

2006-10-09T04:18:00.000-07:00

he's free now .

hannah , diyana you got your wishes .

you told him i was never good enough . and i admit that i will never be enough for any guy. cause i treat them nothing close to lovers. and so for that i can never be good enough .i am gay , and thats what i truely am.i have said enough abotu me being gay. but no one seems to take notice of it . so now i repeat myself. i am sorry that i wasted his time. but if you think that you know him well enough. then with my blessing , introduce him to another girl

i always knew i am different

2006-10-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

it's stupid now. if you want him so badly , please throw yourself at him.
you like him ,that's the obvious.just one thing you need to know.

friends don't steal friend's boyfriend.

i am so sick of all these bullshitting from people.my own bestfriend.i bet you did the right thing huh? tell him all the truth you want ? go on. now it's the end of yours. i never wnated to hate , and i never will . but please it's abit too much. you pyschoed him into all these and now i am the bad guy i suppose ?

i hate it when others can accept me for who i am , even parents but you can't.something somewhere somehow there's things we can't change and like it or not. but i am gay. period.

i have fantasies of some i can't describe. sometime dreams can be so weird. it brings laughter and even creeps to one ,like me. it's one of those wierd days that you wake up with a wierd dream finding out the person has the exact same dream. i laughed and peed on my pants.

dreams are nothing to me , fantasies do .

people with faces like mine , have weird identites. what you going to do about that ? people like us , dare to tell the whole world about what we are . we are not proud but we are not afraid . we have shame but we never want to be this way. i am sorry about how much i can sound offending to those strong believers of religion . i am more spiritual rather than religious . i believe there's a god , but i have a control over my own body .

you can be my personal fantasy

2006-10-03T04:26:00.000-07:00

mother and i had a conversation . that ended up as a heated arguement.

mother& ; can you just stop arguing and listen for once ?
me& ; what are we arguing about again ?
mother& ; FOR YOU TO CROSS OVER THE BRIDGE.
me& ; try another one.lame excuse.

i got so pissed of with her.so much for telling her that i pass geography then.
ergh fuck it .

GROW UP.
no two people are the same , we have to be ourself.and never to imitate others.you'll just irritate them. Why go through all the pain ? I believe that parents wants the best for their children but do they know what we want?Talents wasted thanks to boundaries.Years gone all due to rules and regulations.Since when do musician needs to know about ionic bonding.People hide underneath their shell , too afriad to show themselves.I am a natural risk taker.It's a thrill that i find i cannot work under rules and regulations.

Parents wants obidient kinds.Then i will be their living nightmare

2006-10-01T05:03:00.000-07:00

it's much better when you release everything you feel inside to someone you can really trust. identity is a big issue in one's life. but , acceptance is another thing. i realised you can never ever deny who you truely are. pretence is a game i can never play , and you just need it all out. you need to quit the game and leave all the shit you can give to people you surround with. if they are truely your friends , then they'll accept you for who you are. i cry knowing you both won't , and i give up. i tell others that i'll face the fact and tell you both , but i am a coward and i won't be able to tell you guys anything . this is one issue that i can only talk to a friend. a friend who's been there from the start . thank you.

i know i lead you on , but i need to do this for myself for once.

whoever you're dating , we're so much hotter . right mum ?

2006-09-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

there's only one person that i can actually let it all out .
and i never wanted to hurt the others .
i went being the way i am , but i can't put up with all the pretence anymore.
it's sad that one of the closest people i could never trust ,

i never know what i put myself through till now ,
i had to put up with all the facade and everything else .
But now i give up.

It's difficult enough that i have to actually to do all this by myself.

i want to thank a very good friend . you convinced me with all the shit i went through. you gave me the faith to admit something i deny.now , you know the truth . i am flushed to my cheecks and i can never hide anything . thank you , and you identity will be kept for our sake .

2006-09-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

everyone has their own identity. it's a matter of choice. you see out there. there's more underneath that pile of clothes you wear. be true to yourself , that's one thing that i have learnt. no offence , but some people out there can't accept us who happen to be crook. i got nothing against people who as narrow-minded as them. but think again. isn't it better than living a lie so that people out there can live comfortably knowing you happen to be 'straight'.butches say that they are placed in the wrong body , others say God doesn't make mistake. but what i believe is that God has a purpose for them for us. it's against religion , it's against God-willing.then ask yourself , why God create for people to hate ?

i am here not to spread the love of lesbianism , but you need to know that this trend we are havingis just a mere phase for all you kiddos. but there is people out there that stays true to their identity, it's sad that some people are actually sacrificing their love for the people around them.they want to live a 'normal life' , a lie so that others can live comfortably.i believe that love is a sacred thing that you should only give your heart to one person.

love is shared by two souls. love is pure, love is God-gift.love is unconditional , love is innocent. love is bittersweet.love gives you butterfly in your tummy. love makes you cry , makes you laugh. love makes you want to die. love can make you kill.love is everything you never felt before.love knows no hatred , love knows no boundaries. love is something when i am with you.

2006-09-21T01:49:00.000-07:00

the look of love ,

2006-09-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

these are all super old pictures that i found on my previous blogs . hah . have fun .

one hell of baby fats .

this is so last year(:

when i was obssesd with my shoes.

there's bhavani love(: she's one of the sunlights in my life.

now there's my 'don't give two fucks about the dumfuck two face bitch(:
thats's dee and me(:
you want to see what she looks like ?

usually she's hotter than this (:

there's our favourite jesmin spelled as JES-MEAN (:

andainya kau melepaskan ku.

air mata membasahi pipiku.

kau la yang pertama di hidupku.

setelah kau meninggalkan ku.

aku tidak bisah memaafkan dirimu.

engkaulah yang aku cinta.
dengarlah khalimat cinta, berilah bahagia.

ku merayu tanpa dirimu ini

denarglah bisikan mu sayang.tak akan dilupakan.

kuatkan la nada cinta kita berdua.
ku lihat kau kau dengan dia.

hati remuk selamanya.

kasih suci yang ku diibaratkankaupertama

dengan akhir.demi cinta sepenuh mati.

cuma kau melupakan semuanya.cinta yang nyata.

dee / cinta yang nyata , cinta yang tulus.

2006-09-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

Remember the first day , I saw you ?
You had a frown on your face .
Remember the first impression you gave ?
I could eat you alive there and then .
Remeber the first time you called me up?
You made me laugh till we cried all night.
Remember the day you asked me to be yours?
You blushed so hard , i saw the softer side.

Remember the first kiss we shared ?
I realised what soft lips you have.
Remember the day i cried on your shoulder ?
I know i found a bestfriend who's going to be there.
Remember the first day we fought ?
You let your ego go and cried for me

I saw the tears run down the cheecks.
i hear the choke on your voice.

I promised you are the one i spend my life with.
I promised , i would kill for your love one day.

A kiss on the cheeck is enough
To let all insecurities go away.

Now let's just live in reality .
Of you and me

aticca to the beloved.

2006-09-17T03:51:00.000-07:00

whatwhat? hah , i had the worst of prank callers.they just don't know how to put down the phone. and this butch-looking some metal girl. have this super sweet ,minah voice.i almost died laughing okay ?i looked at the picture and hear the voice. it's like putting , jay-z's voice togather with mariah carey's one! hah IMAGINE THAT ! then boyfriend sleep talks on the phone. he confessed a few stuff and others was just total crap and fking adorable. my eveil twin (nikita) has a HOTHOT guy that she likes.total six abs kind(: hah this girl change guys only know ! hah , she's one of the hell minah girl stuck in an angmoh body. (:

i lazy to blog la.

2006-09-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

ask me again and i will rape you .

stupid school.i want to scream.exams's in three weeks?and i have been slacking my shit off.i've been wanting t spend time with the very fortunate BF . but stupid rules and regulations are being one big obstacle and i just choose not to bend it this time. seriously. and tdy i did spring cleaning in class and i found my super old poem back.i found ALOT of poems , way back when i am with you-know-who. i read out to diyana and she fell asleep.that adorable being is my closest friend.she's one that i treat like a sister and i love her to my rectum (: and also , my night talker and i will not be talking for sometime.it's for our own good and so it will be a fortunate to our own partners.

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

Iris /Goo-Goo Dolls.

Your tears don't fall,

they crash around me her

conscience calls the guilty to come home

Your tears don't fall,

they crash around me her conscience

calls the guilty to come home

Tears Don't Fall / Bullet For My Valentine

When the lights are dim and your heart is

racing as you're fingers touch your skin.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

Panic At Disco /

You and me dancing the night away

You can feel my heart beating so hard

We look eye to eye

And I'm swept away

On a moonlit walk on the beach

Watching the sunrise for the first time

I'm in a trance

From the one slow dance

Rufio / One Slowdance

lyrics bring alot more meaning than anyone can ever do . and it doesnt mean one thing.it's just nice. (:

2006-09-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

and there goes my one week of school hols(:

correct what ? i didnt budge out , or maybe i did. but who cares.

i was like a sad case at home please. only a few people i can really thank .

to that pepek gatal of mine(:

she cracks me up early in the morning and i mean literally early in the morning. we crack tupid jokes , bitch about you-know-who and i don't mean Voldemort. HAH(: PEPEK . she wears makeup huh (: funny sia she. tell her , change than can become sucessful this pepek talk about she wanting to become a guy. eh don't larh . later you rosakkan all the anak dara. now you kuncu never mind(: play also cannot get baby (: that pepek gatal also very funny .

and to that lil pig of mine.

EH PANTAT ! you still at night don't know how to talk to me ah ? you ah . jealous over small reason know you. adorable nak mampos tha muker but long eyelashes. mcm mane orang tka panggel gay ?! HAH (: i want t thank tons with you for making me stay home when it's like hell in here. you and dee have been the very best of best ! cheecky pantat. girls also want to flirt with.later the cheebye i tear infront of your face then you know.

wah my that entry so colourful sia . like national day. eh national day is yellow and pink arh ? eh no lah red and white. stupid me.fking brain have been brainwashed by school. and it's only been the first day.

i have jesmin chalet to look forward too(: HAHA ! time t drink.

2006-09-07T19:50:00.000-07:00

current mood abit fked up.seriously.The Bf ditched me for a french movie.lil friend of ours eatting roti prata. then how ? who i want to scream at ? myself ? like some idiot la . please la .owner say cannot already ,don't give me puppy face la man. i go weak on my knees and give in one.you boy girl or gay la. i just give in. this one puppy face or not. i give in already. then early morning thought she get out of the house . but no , she have to re-do the skirt thing so many times. people give already with a compromisation . you tear scratch or anything. the one you bought is mine. then no , she wont want what . fucking bitch . EARLY MORNING MAKE ME PISSED OFF.

i am being screamed at now. thanks to that bitch. good what.

i shall die huh ? never encounter a child like me what . telling my mother to go die. correct what. i shall rot in hell ok (:

happy earthlings.

2006-09-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

oh well , days couldn't get any better with the two idiots over the phone.em will never stop talking about whatever she does , and it crack me up.thank god for her nonsense.did i tell you something a little bit of lameness from a friend is good at times ? that pantat is full of crapness in the middle of the night.and jay oi. i got no feelings for em la.SERIOUS DOK. dah bilang ta nak pecaye bukan aku nyer pasal arh . HAH, theyy laugh cause i cannot read arab with fluency.funny sial this people. and i happen to be named tektek.or which means breast.hah , one's pantat and pepek. reason why ? i am the only girly girl here.both are butch.i suppose to be the only one that got tetek. they dont , HAR.

i just have to blogged about today's conversation.its contradicting and all . currently i have a walk on stroll date and ice cream date with two different and thank god for understading boyfriends. God is finally fair to me. oh fucky fucky well. i so far have only fought with granny once this week(which means two days) cheers for me i am improving.

i miss drinking . any takers ?

2006-09-04T00:22:00.000-07:00

i was so glad i had fun on that particular day please. (: thanks to the decoration team , i wont even bother going on the subject about me being pissed off.

family's been alright. my own blood and flesh got hurt once again , and i feel betrayed. fucking betrayed. like , sigh . forget about it.

i have been grounded ( NOT THAT I WASN'T BEFORE) but , till end of year. oh well , how more fucked can i feel .
my only escape are through poems and songs , funny thing is . i listen to the songs for the depth of their lyrics , not just the different genre. so spare the laughter when i listen to a genre you hate or rather find it funny. oh wait , ARENT YOU LISTENING TO SONGS THAT EVEYRONE ELSE IS LISTENING TOO? how typical.

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time
And if i wait it out, you could always change your mind
Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize, it's just what might have been

Something I Never Had / Lindsay Lohan

If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people
I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgiveness

If I Die Tonight / Too Phat.

i feel isolated , sucidal , sadistic. i remember those black witch days, with salmah and esther. hah , those happier days . what would i give to have them back .people change , they do it everytime. so why bother if i actually change now. and so what if it doesnt bring me happiness. please la ok. i am doing this for my own future. you don't belong to my present nor my future. SO WHY BOTHER WORRYING ABOUT ME.

oh happy fuck you all .

2006-08-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

why call ourself family ? when all we do is fight . explain to me what you want me to do ?
stay away from my friends ? they happen to be a bad influence right ?
what about those butches and bungs, haven't me turning straight good enough ?
why oh why man. me leaving someone i know that i love more than life .
and going with this guy , that i know i am starting to like. what more ?
if i shall die a virgin mary , if it makes you happy .
then i will. but thing about what really makes me happy.should i be deprieved of all childhood happiness and regret in future. why can't i have normal life , huh parents. i never ask for more.i cry , looking out the window at times.
those people lack in money , but never smiles. so can i ask you now , what really makes you happy .

i cry so hard wanting a change but it takes TWO TO TANGO MAN .

2006-08-19T04:17:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna tell you what I think about you in that unforgivable way I do.
You're an idiot And I hate your guts.
I guess I'm about as happy for you as I would be a cockroach in my food.
I know it's terrible I really hate you though.

you know you suck out the happiness in everyone especially ME .
you crash and burn me out , like a night lamp with a broken fuse.
everytime the car drives pass , i feel like the world is too unjust .
for me to live on , is like a a stray cat being all alone.

sometimes when i try calling you , a name with respect .
i feel you don't deserve it .

2006-08-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

shanin is directly beside me blogging at the same point of time.

it feels odd now . like what shanin said , the days go off realy fast but then ,
at the same time . you just want it to go and get over done with even faster.

life is sad now , for my social life is zero.a big fat egg .
daddy dearest decided to rob it all away.
for it will somehow help me in more than one way
bullshit .
had the weirdest fight yesterday , on whether should i eat the fried egg or not.
and yet it lead to me running away, smoking , drinkking .

aww comeon . like they said ,
you need to taste a pinch of the salt , the world has to offer .

let me tell you a story ,

me; dad can i get a sic? pink newest album?
dad; show it to me and then i'll consider .
(i came running to him , showing it )
dad; and you getting a disc for all the song about a girl mad at her dad.why do you want it anyway?
me; for the reason that you just have said .

there , how lame can my dad get ? he gave me that fucking face . ergh.oh and also , i almost disowned him yesterday. i cried my heart out lsat week when i told my cousin about me marrying some typical last week. and now , sigh. cousins thinks i am bonkers , out of mind . ):
hah , grandma thinks that dad will slaughter my head off and hang it at the main gate the way those loan sharks do when owner of the house owe them money. hoh! low and behold , people i have a feeling i will die ten years earlier , isn't it true . kicking the habit of smoking is hard.

dad told me about young teens getting caught and he said the last place he wants to see me is at the operation table waiting for him to sign the abortion form .HAH like i would have sex . and he is afraid for everytime i go out of the house , someone calls me saying i am dead . see how can i get a normal mentality if i have parents who thinks that way .

2006-08-12T05:10:00.000-07:00

all in the day of school .

teachers are there for a reason , but not every reason .students are drive crazy by one by one fo them . their kind and thus this is what they make us to be(: but then , there's also love and hatred around the class , one goes south others go west . i chose to take north. why ? don't bother asking why .

you got to see more than enough .

2006-08-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

I CHANGED (: for the better (: only a few knows , while i gt used to it .

iloveyoupeople .
and doremon

2006-08-07T02:50:00.000-07:00

IF I HAD TO DRIVE ALL DAY TAKE THAT FLIGHT
ACROSS THIS OCEAN I'M COMING HOME TONIGHT
DON'T LET IT PLAY ON YOUR MIND
'CAUSE MY DEVOTION IS FOR ALL TIME

2006-07-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

recently , a friend is really gettin on my nerve. Let's name her BOOBOO alright .

if by making Mr Girlfriend horny is reading a sickening book , you're wrong.
if by saying her night voice is damn sexy , she's going fall for you , you're wrong.
if by putting Mr Girlfriend's hand on your you-know-where is going to make her aroused , you're wrong.

i am pissed all over again .

2006-07-28T02:36:00.000-07:00

today , i realised . i could live without those bitches anyway ? who wouldn't.

i need my family , nash , sha nin cheongg and amanda . maybe there's a few others. i made a vow to sha nin man. our new bff method. it's a go0d long thing,

since long i had this deep conversation with Mr . Girlfriend

[05:48:34 PM] nashollcraft: for me is also everything about u arouses me ....ur voice , the scent of ur skin, the texture of ur hair on my lips those killing and penetrating eyes when u are mad ...
.[05:48:45 PM] nashollcraft: those sweet smile when u laugh
[05:48:54 PM] nashollcraft: when u wrinkled ur nose
[05:49:14 PM] nashollcraft: the moment u touch me with ur eyes
[05:49:21 PM] nashollcraft: i could feel ur presence
[05:49:52 PM] nashollcraft: like yesterday...i cant see u but when u saw me i could feel u and it arouses me that i felt embarrassed by it
[05:50:18 PM] keep your ey: aww , that's fucking sweet
[05:50:38 PM] nashollcraft: yyes i confess
[05:50:52 PM] nashollcraft: i love taking the escalators with u
[05:51:04 PM] nashollcraft: just standing behind u or infront of u
[05:51:21 PM] nashollcraft: ur body against mine....sets the flame inside raging [05:51:49 PM] nashollcraft: if the mall was empty ...i will not be able to control myself
,[05:52:31 PM] nashollcraft: so baby when i nuzzle on u to smell the scent of ur bare skin...dun push me away
[05:52:40 PM] nashollcraft: cos it hurt
[05:53:09 PM] nashollcraft: if i dislike ur smeelll baby i wouldn't be near u on the first place

ahhh ! you're the fucking bitch that i love Mr.Girlfriend. you mean more than all those sluts i have to face each day , so why ruin my face with wrinkles when i get angry with them right ?

she amuses me in her own cute ways ,
i won;t go further , but you make me want you more .

you are still the one i love ,

2006-07-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

i made a dedication corner , and i know a few people wants to know why your name ain't there right ?
like _____ . i know , but i can't seem to talk to you anymore . you hate my friends thinking they are weird .
keep it to yourself girl , they are MY GOODGOOD FRIEND . SO KEEP QUIET . what if i do that to your friends ? you won't talk to me , but i kept quiet about all those shit that you say. i never want to hurt you or anyone but yes ! i can't stand it . this is so primary school please .

i can' t say anythin else .

the dedication corner to remind these people that ilovethem till my death beds ,

i got damn fucking jealous yesterday , i told nikita and she feels the same way too! OH MAN KEEP QUEIT LAH ! MUST SAY SMACK TO MY FACE RIGHTT . BITCh , i cried please ! OH MAN ! BUT YESTERDAY WAS DAMN FUN. hah , shanin , jewel , bhavani , belinda! I LOVE THIS BUNCH OKAAY . jewel is like that shane ! haha ! SO FUNNY , be butch and i date you lah. but nash said you should be PL with shanin , amusing yes. potc is so so for me people . yes , nothing but hotness and draggy lah . but i want to watch it again , don't ask why ,shanin.

i finally decided that nikita is my other mini-me . we finshes off each other sentence and WE SHARE THE SAME THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OMGG . i am like her wild side , she's my innocent side. you know there's seven people in this world that i slike you , I SWEAR SHE'S ONE OF THEM OKKAY ! .THIS GIRL IS ALWAYS GAYY AND I FUCKILY LOVE MY KINKYNESS.

you , bring the best out of me.

2006-07-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

ah ! PRETTY BOY GOT ME GOING MAN !

it's love at first sight baby

ah ! only me and junior knows man ! a secret between two of us@ and nash is finally out of this thing !@ she doesn't a thing and i finally like feel so fun keeping secrets from her ! i am a mean girl i know .

as for atiqah i'm sorry people are talking bad abt you when it is my fault. kay i want t cut my hair but not butch or bung or anything kay? dunt worry ppl i'm nt gg t turn. practically tday was a thirsty day. i was damn thirsty. kay 2 hong kong girls came t class tday. one is eileen nd tiffany. eileen is pretty. tiffany is smart((((: okayyy! tt's all. blog later.oh jesmin,diyana,hannh thanks for caring abt me((((: ilu(;nd atiqah i know you love me((: nd pretty boy(((;

yes bhavani , thanks. i finally know who my friends are man . you sweet love , must think STRAIGHT OKAY , i love you much . and i know you love me too . shans birthday , we shall suprise her ! AND SHANIN YOU SHALL GET A SUPRISE YOU CUTE THINGG .bhava ahh , you crack me up with the smallest thing that you say . AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH . PRETTY BOY IS CUTE RIGHT RIGHT . LET'S DROOL NOW

2006-07-16T03:56:00.000-07:00

it must have been that very first kiss , that got me going . for the love life i craved for. for the touched of your tender loving care to embracce me all the way . i watch you cry everytime i said something stupid , they say the heart do stupid stuff . but i know i followed the god damn brain that i was born with , this is not fair .

i never meant to push you away , but i never want this to go on . six years is long to wait , i want you to enjoy life rather than brood over each day , i know the desires of one longing to be in the arms of your love ones . and i dont want to deprieve you from all that .

i am not worth taking the risk for .

2006-07-11T03:45:00.000-07:00

do you want to scream and shoutt ?! omg , i didn't exactly scream , but i teared. i know i did.ah , it was like a load off my shoulder seriously.i cried time and time again , i wrote a few poems. i slept for half an hour , i woke up and cried again . and there was like encore of it so many times. i woke up to oprah on the four am time.and about some woman screaming , and then i watched for awhile and fell asleep. i don't know why i cried but i just did . period.

i have a chubby/fat nose. a girl is content about herself , she can't think of anyone else. an airhead like nash can't love another. ahah! you do realise now that you're an airhead. a bimbo butch. but , you're still the one. i swear the hell out of me , if you're straight , you are this ultimate bimbo that i don't want to talk too.

I'm not ill I don't need to take a pill To fix what you do Cure can't come through Cause baby, all I do is suffer from

symptoms of you

2006-07-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

OMGz , school with the crazy gang please ,
i like the whole shout-across-class thingand i really appreciated those who makes me forget about you-know-whosince whatever happens. gamar said ' you know we can all be your nash 'and she teared when i told her whatever happen .she's the sweetest bitch cum camwhoring cum merajoking partner okay ! you touch her and break her heart , i swear i will shoot you guys down till you very death bed , she was there for me , i kill for her okay ! diyana have been the best please , i cried on the phone just now and she cracked me up with the stupidest joke ever ! ahh ! choose mamat for me okay (:no timing again .and then jesmin , MY ULTIMATE BITCHING PARTNERR , omgz , who would turn butch for me , REALLY ;p hah joke lah ! I LOVE THIS GIRL .and there's grace , who would ever thought that she would be so emotional too ? she said that she felt it for me , even though she have never been in a realtionship and that this kind of relationship is unhealthy. I ALMOST CRIED WHEN SHE WASNT IN SCHOOL BY 7.15 TODAY OKAY ! and there's thiang zhenli ,AAAAAAAHHHHHH :D i miss you girlgirl , we talked about cumcum joke , and all those nonsense fetish people talk about(: BHAVANI ,omgz this girl is always the sweetest one amg us ok ! she says all those sweet stuff and just make one smile. and shanin ! YOU CRACK ME UP WITH THE SUDDEN INTEREST OF SEX HAH . and hewy , omgz . whats with the sudden coouncellor man ! hah , so cute of you to share your thoughts and even though it hurt me , i thank you for your honesty friend. and amanda , even though we never talked that much , i still miss you

to nash , i miss you alot , and even though i cried for you today , i never want us to go apart , not now not ever . okay , i will be therre for every shit you get , every penny you received . i miss you much , and i love you more than the stars put togather

2006-06-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

i have t listen t your mothergrabber mouth talking day and night through out. everytime i hear it , i feel like screaming , out of anger or joy. i fuckingly don't know whyy.
is it good ? i just want t scream everything out of my chest , everything and i mean everything. mum is sick , i have t put a brave upfront , or i would cry out now t her, alotalotalot. it still hurts damn inside.fuck , i don't know how long it will stay here. stay inside , eat my soul alive. kill me instead rather than make me go for this life long torture.

ok i am being emotional.

but at the same time who wouldn't?!?!?!?! i am in pain . i can't think straight . my heart felt as if it has been digged out by your bare hands , and you cut it down yourself , with the same pen knife you used t cut your wrist . i still want t cry everytime i hear your voice . those fight we just had is still ringing in my head . i can't just throw it out like an ugly picture . it stay there , like an unwanted recorder. it plays the same thing over and over again , i want t cry. cause just thinking about it makes me tear , what more hearing it over a million times over in your head. i hit my head on the floor , hoping i get knocked out and forget everythingg , every single hurtful words that came out from my mouth , from your mouth, i know i told myself that i wont take it t heart , but sighh....

i am going t get through this alone , on my own two feet .

thanks for the wake up call sayang

2006-06-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

we went out for the double date (: we played we fooled around. do you know that sex really cures migranes ?:D hah , well we had fahriyah and shazzey to prove it. hanged around marina , ate at bk , then went off t esplanade. watched a movie , but i think we used it like our own room . ate AGAIN at secret receipe. hah , sayang remember the cute/pretty butch there ? (:

the best was at pacific coffee. sayang showed us the place , and it was really really comfy. spend almost three hours there. as you know there asn't enough couch (or maybe there was) i sat on sayangs lap through out the whole time there (:and there was this particular waitress who happen t like sayang and was really pissed with us. hah ,you should hear how loud she banged on the coffee mixture. oh wells , i had a great time , and i love you alotalotalot sayang (:

i feel as if this post is like some formal shit .

2006-06-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

[02:00:10 AM] nashollcraft: well i love you so much
[02:00:13 AM] nashollcraft: i did not realise
[02:00:14 AM] nashollcraft: tha
t [02:00:20 AM] nashollcraft: i have change a lot
[02:00:32 AM] nashollcraft: i never used to let down my ego to coax a gir0l
[02:00:37 AM] nashollcraft: even if i do
[02:00:40 AM] nashollcraft: i have my limits
[02:00:42 AM] nashollcraft: and just now
[02:01:05 AM] nashollcraft: usually i would just block u or go off already[
02:01:24 AM] nashollcraft: after 5 mins of coaxing and ur response is still not satisfying[02:01:37 AM] nashollcraft: but somehow
[02:01:52 AM] nashollcraft: even tho how much my heart aches when u do dat[02:01:59 AM] nashollcraft: cos its not me
[02:02:10 AM] nashollcraft: i just cant bare to leave u mad like dat
[02:02:12 AM] nashollcraft: i just cant
[02:02:26 AM] nashollcraft: tat is why i did not want to argue either
[02:02:44 AM] nashollcraft: cos i cant bare to hurt u even a lil bit [02:02:50 AM] nashollcraft: and making u pissed just now
[02:02:55 AM] nashollcraft: i was so worried inside
[02:03:06 AM] nashollcraft: i kept asking fariyah that i should put down
[02:03:21 AM] nashollcraft: but she say a while longer till shazzey can call her
[02:03:26 AM] nashollcraft: so i tot it was ok
[02:03:31 AM] nashollcraft: until u block me
[02:03:34 AM] nashollcraft: and all[02:03:37 AM] nashollcraft: it hurts lar
[02:03:43 AM] nashollcraft: i can luff but it hurts
[02:03:56 AM] i never will: i am sorry k sayang . :( sorry sorry srry sorry sorry . sorry for making you feel that bad :/ and also about my stupid / childish act . SORRY SAYANG
[02:04:25 AM] nashollcraft: no
[02:04:31 AM] nashollcraft: please dun say sorry
[02:04:34 AM] nashollcraft: i am amazed
[02:04:40 AM] nashollcraft: at myself
[02:04:44 AM] nashollcraft: and my patient
[02:04:57 AM] nashollcraft: i am a changed person cos my love for u
[02:05:16 AM] nashollcraft: and nth can ever have change me taht way
[02:05:26 AM] nashollcraft: unless its strong love
[02:05:38 AM] nashollcraft: so baby
[02:05:53 AM] nashollcraft: thank you so muc hfor letting me fall for you
[02:06:34 AM] nashollcraft: now and forever i will be ur 96% boyfriend 4% girlfriend k?[02:06:56 AM] i never will: HAH , well its a pleasure having you falling for me :D
[02:07:26 AM] i never will: i love you alot alot ok sayang . i am sorry about just now , and i will undo everything if i can . i just dont want you t feel hurt
[02:07:37 AM] i never will: and also , i never never want t fight with you
[02:07:42 AM] nashollcraft: nah hurt and pain is pleasure
[02:07:50 AM] nashollcraft: if i dun feel hurt means sth is wrong
[02:07:56 AM] nashollcraft: means i dun feel for u at all
[02:08:01 AM] nashollcraft: but i did feel hurt
[02:08:05 AM] nashollcraft: strongly hurt
[02:08:18 AM] nashollcraft: and that means my feelings for you are so strong[02:08:35 AM] nashollcraft: that such lil things have a great impact on ur hubby

i cried reading this , sigh , what love could do to two people .
it's really amazing , i lovelove you sayang . alright :D
and i never meant my childish ways like last night .
i know you forgave me but still , it hurts knowing , i who vows never t hurt you , hurt you with my very own words and actions . i am sorry , real sorry.

alright , off two days . out with beloveds and off to the beach for an overnight with one whole bigbigbig family :D

2006-06-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

i never will love another , says:
HAH SO E G O .
i never will love another , says:
E G O
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
i noe
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
but for u baby
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
i'll throw my ego baby
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
anytime
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
i can beg on my knees
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
to prove to u
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
in front of millions sweetheart
nashollcraft:: 21st century kid says:
just for you my dearest angel

you say the sweetest thing , at the most crazy time :D i love you alot okkay (:

2006-06-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

today have been really sucky , read that SUCKY . oh well , at least being attached got its advantage , i owe alot to her, for making the tears go away.

she doesn't expect much from the relationship , and said that it was a good thing , but to me.i feel like i haven't been giving what she really deserve. come on , i don't know if i can make it this saturday and it will be the third time this is happening . sigh , and because of stupid past , ah. it's been haunting every minute , everyday. i just don't want t show it. great i am pathetic.

but you know how much i loveyou don't you ? hah you better . nownow , this stranger thing , is really bugging me . comeon a personal note t you , tell me who you are , cause i learn not t judge anymore.

you may BE SUPER FAT , and people think you have a big heart but YOU'RE REALLY MEAN .
hah , i am not pointing fingers , but yeah , from experienced man.
and people may think that you're a total heart throb and a real playboy . but you're actually good at heart , and that's one side that people cannot see. and only , if one let you , then will they know all about those hidden agenda you have inside :D

oh i love writing this down , and i can go on ranting about it all day , but then you readers will get bored please