i was so glad i had fun on that particular day please. (: thanks to the decoration team , i wont even bother going on the subject about me being pissed off.

family's been alright. my own blood and flesh got hurt once again , and i feel betrayed. fucking betrayed. like , sigh . forget about it.

i have been grounded ( NOT THAT I WASN'T BEFORE) but , till end of year. oh well , how more fucked can i feel .
my only escape are through poems and songs , funny thing is . i listen to the songs for the depth of their lyrics , not just the different genre. so spare the laughter when i listen to a genre you hate or rather find it funny. oh wait , ARENT YOU LISTENING TO SONGS THAT EVEYRONE ELSE IS LISTENING TOO? how typical.

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time
And if i wait it out, you could always change your mind
Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize, it's just what might have been

Something I Never Had / Lindsay Lohan

If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people
I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgiveness

If I Die Tonight / Too Phat.

i feel isolated , sucidal , sadistic. i remember those black witch days, with salmah and esther. hah , those happier days . what would i give to have them back .people change , they do it everytime. so why bother if i actually change now. and so what if it doesnt bring me happiness. please la ok. i am doing this for my own future. you don't belong to my present nor my future. SO WHY BOTHER WORRYING ABOUT ME.

oh happy fuck you all .